TALK! TALK!! TALK!!!

The basic purpose of courtship is not to have sex but to find out if both of you are compatible and suitable for life. Marriage is not a walk in the park.

 You want to spend the next 50 years of your life with someone you don't know. Wisdom demands that you arm yourself with adequate knowledge about this person ; and talking is one of the ways you gather as much information as possible. You need to ask every sensible question you can ask before you say I do.

Marriage is 90% communication. If you cannot talk in courtship you will not talk in marriage and that is the beginning of the end. That is when couples wake up and discover they do not know much about their partner and get frustrated their partners are not meeting their needs. How can someone who DOES NOT KNOW your NEEDS meet them?

When we tell people not to have sex in courtship but spend quality time building friendship. They get angry, it's like someone is trying to kill their fun.

Regular sex when intimacy has not been built kills communication fast. Instead of you to find out what makes your partner angry, you hush them with kisses and sweep it all under the carpet with sex. The issue has not been dealt with. It is there waiting to explode in marriage.

Ask every possible question you can before you go to the altar. Talk! Know exactly what you want to get into. Ask all manner of questions from money issues, to spirituality, to sex, to family planning, to how you handle anger to dealing with in laws, neighbours and friends. Ask questions on spending, investment, savings, values, beliefs, doctrines, fears, taboos, turn ons and turn offs. These are real day to day issues in marriage.

Marriage is not about having sex 24 hours of the day. It is about facing real life issues and dealing with them as they come up. If you cannot deal with issues in courtship, you will not deal with them in marriage and pre-marital sex is one sure habit that will kill your ability to communicate effectively with your partner.

Learn to put the horse before the cart. You will get all the sex you need in marriage. For now, talk! That is what determines how long your marriage and the sex will last.